| 2010 Mayan Calendar |
[Sep. 18th, 2009|10:41 am] |
I haven't posted much recently about the Maya Calendar, but in case you are looking for a decent calendar which celebrates Maya imagery and the Tzolk'in this 2010 Mayan Calendar is the calendar to buy. The website also has plenty of authentic information about the Tzolk'in and other aspects of Maya calendar systems compiled by a Dr. Ed Barnhart, a researcher currently working in Mesoamerica on behalf of the Maya Exploration Center, a non-profit research and education center. I bought last year's calendar and thoroughly enjoyed its combination of Maya symbolism and clear, bright photography.
This is an excellent calendar to buy even if you are not interested in following the current Maya dates, because they leave plenty of room to write on the calendar should you need that. All the same, this calendar uses the commonly accepted correlation between the Maya Calendar to present time otherwise known as the "Goodman, Martinez, Thompson" correlation (GMT correlation). The images for each month focus mostly on Classic Maya architecture, but also include pottery images in high detail. |
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| Saturn-Uranus Opposition |
[Sep. 15th, 2009|03:59 pm] |
I've been anticipating this week with some trepidation in light of my visit to the Emergency room last January. My rational mind insists there is little to be concerned about. After all, the doctors have all shook their heads in wonder and attributed my experience to little more than unintentional overindulgence.
But I can't discount the astrology of the moment. Today marks the central opposition of Saturn with Uranus and the blogs across the astrology blogosphere are filled with meaning and wisdom about this unique configuration. All the same, this clamor for understanding leaves me feeling a little empty and world weary.
It has not been my intention to use this blog as a political soapbox, but my natal chart echos the United States Sibley chart which is often used for analyzing astrology for the US. So I'm not surprised my ambivalence is also echoed by a majority of people in this nation who simply want to weather this period of economic restriction with a modicum of dignity while preserving the structure of their lives in the midst of a health care revolution.
I have little faith in the leaders who emotionally shout and rail against those who call for consensus and compromise. While I have benefited from the current Status Quo and I am grateful I qualified, charity is not a safety net for our nation. It is only a stop-gap for the few lucky people without insurance who have the "good sense" to become sick at the beginning of the year. When the donations run out, the uninsured, including me, become the burden of a seemingly unsympathetic government.
I don't really have any empowering insight into this opposition. It is far to easy to look deeply for meaning and become lost in the potential for universal health care, while overlooking reality: a large percentage of our country's population have poor or no access to common health care. I have to remind myself that Uranus in Pisces is emotional and adjusting while Saturn in Virgo is physical and flexible. It is quite clear to me which will win out in the end, but as with all astrology, what remains important is what you are doing with your time now. I'm going to spend some "me" time in my garden. |
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| Double Bloom Daffodils |
[Apr. 11th, 2009|03:59 pm] |
 
Every year since I've planted these bulbs they have bloomed and then immediately the next day flopped over. I got one good shot of these before they flopped, but now two are down. I guess they need something in front of them to keep them supported. Hmm. You can see more photos of daffodils in bloom (non-flopped) by clicking the photo link. |
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| My "good looking" head |
[Apr. 8th, 2009|02:20 pm] |
At this point, the good news is my brain MRI has confirmed what I suspected all along: my brain is normal and healthy. My neurologist declared the "films" as showing a "good looking" head, but the question about what occurred last January may never be solved at this point. I have been given a tentative bill of health and a wait-and-see diagnosis.
I am back to driving my man around and working in the garden, soaking up all the warm spring sunlight and enjoying its effect on daffodils that seem to have taken forever to bloom. Bruce is digging a trench to lay a new phone wire in the front yard and has made even more progress with cleaning out the container at the back of his property. Each weekend the neighbors either shake their heads with surprise of all the things he pulls out of there or nod their heads in approval of the spring cleaning.
Today Bruce donated some wood he found while doing renovations to the museum next door. They were very pleased to discover the name imprinted on the wood "weiss brothers" are the same land owners who built the brick two story business building on the corner of Vashon Highway and Bank Road. Vashon is infused with history. |
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| More News, All Good |
[Mar. 13th, 2009|01:54 pm] |
Dear friends, it has not been my intention to ignore all your comments to my last post. I have no excuse to give save it was with some surprise this morning that I discovered that I had posted before my EEG appointment and then completely forgot what I had done. I can be absent minded, but this is perhaps more due to all the stress I've been experiencing. It has been my very intention to post about my EEG appointment, but my attention has been focused on such things as completing my 2008 tax forms so that I can apply for more charity assistance in order to cover the unexpected medical bills that have been weighing heavily on my mind since the first of the year.
So onto the EEG. Electroencephalography (EEG) is nothing more than a graphical reading of the firing of neurons in the brain as they are picked up through the scalp with electrodes. It is generally a painless process, although the placement of electrodes with water soluble glue can be uncomfortable, especially if you are sensitive to strangers touching your head.
My technician turned out to be quite personable with a good bedside manner. When she put on the electrodes she began by marking my head at cranial nodes with a grease pencil, covering the entire crown, which tickled a bit. Then as she glued each electrode down she scrubbed the scalp vigorously to minimize oils and maximize adhesion. This actually hurt a little, but didn't last long enough to complain about. Once that was complete she turned off the light in the room and set up a strobe light which is the first test. Successively increasing the frequency of the strobe, she asked me to close my eyes and then shone a flashing light onto my eyelids.
The effect is amazing. I have closed my eyes in a nightclub where there are strobe lights and never saw this particular visual effect. What I experienced was similar to looking down a tube that had a black and white checkerboard projected onto it. In between each strobe, the technician had me open my eyes and then close them again before she increased the strobe frequency. As the frequency increased the visuals gradually changed incorporating color and other effects more difficult to explain. At the highest frequencies the effect was a grainy gray pattern, similar to looking too close at a rough wall.
Many years ago I met a Seattle artist who was inspired by the visuals encountered during an EEG and incorporated the checkerboard effect into her paintings. I have looked for her work online but haven't come up with anything, otherwise I'd include an image for you. But they are very distinctive; swirling checkerboard patterns in blue and white with goldfish and flowers floating between. It never occurred to me how what she painted could be due to an EEG until I experienced it myself.
Anyway, in the next test, I was asked to breath heavy until I hyperventilated. After doing the heavy breathing for several minutes you do experience tingling sensations in your hands and feet and feel light headed, but it isn't as unpleasant as the few times I've actually hyperventilated while exercising. Perhaps because I was lying down already, I didn't experience any queasiness or see lights. Thankfully this test didn't take long.
The final test is done with the lights off and they encourage you to attempt to sleep. In preparation for the EEG, I was asked to limit my sleep the night before to about four hours so I was already feeling groggy that day. I didn't fall unconscious during this last test. It has been several years since I've attempted to sleep in the city and every five minutes or so a siren would sound or a train would whistle or a truck would honk its horn.
My technician did say she was able to collect enough data from my sleeping period. And the good news is that my Neurologist said my results were normal. I am now scheduled for a brain MRI this next Sunday and this will be a defining test. Apparently when my head was scanned at the emergency, they were only looking for internal bleeding, which is called a CT scan. This is all at the grace of Swedish Medical's Access program, which I am very grateful to have qualified for. |
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| EEG Update |
[Feb. 13th, 2009|04:24 pm] |
I received notice from Swedish Medical Access program that I am approved to schedule my anticipated EEG procedure. I have an appointment for February 24th.
In other news, I attended a psychiatric evaluation for my DSHS application on Monday. What an ordeal. My assigned psychiatrist was a very pleasant man and knowing from my years of working for a psychiatric clinic that professionals often complain about giving these evaluations, he was quite accommodating of my tendency to drift to tangential subjects. He merely reminded me of what we were attempting to accomplish and moved onto his next question. Afterward I felt physically exhausted as I walked home (no, I can't drive or work for six months on doctors orders).
I realized now that the anticipation of the evaluation and worry about not being able to pay medical bills have brought back some of my delusions of the New Year's events. While I continue to observe them as clearly delusional, I confessed one primary delusion to the psychiatrist that I have avoided sharing before. In doing this I think I may have cracked through to a key subconscious reasoning although I am still having some difficulty assembling my thoughts together into a comprehensive report. When I do, I suspect there will either be fodder for some short stories or perhaps an Indiana Jones discovers a National Treasure using The Davinci Code type novel.
I still remain well and conscious, despite the stress in my life. I've been reconnecting to old friends through FaceBook's interface and perhaps spending too much time in other social networks I've joined, but I believe it is a helpful distraction and allowing me a sense of connection that I feel has been missing in my recent life. Perhaps by the time I take my EEG, my doctors will have shared the information they have and come up with a more concrete diagnosis, until then I continue to meditate and do my best to remain calm.
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| Hunting My Inner Snark |
[Feb. 1st, 2009|10:51 am] |
 Henry Holiday's illustration of the Banker and the Bellman from Wikipedia
"In the midst of the word he was trying to say
In the midst of his laughter and glee
He had softly and suddenly vanished away
For the Snark was a Boojum, you see."
--final stanza of Lewis Carroll's The Hunting of the Snark
On January 2, 2009 I found myself in the emergency room at St. Joseph's Hospital in Bellingham. The events leading up to my visit are absurd and out of character for me. My doctors are still unsure of what happened although in my mind many of the events remain clear. I was released from the emergency room after no less than two hours of the usual poking and prodding with the fairly cryptic diagnosis of "possible petit mal seizure".
Bruce and I were visiting with friends in anticipation of the New Year at a cabin reserved at a small state campground near the Canadian border. This was the third year in a row that we'd visited with these friends for the New Year, so the setting was familiar and comfortable. What was unfamiliar was my state of mind and behavior over the few days we were there.
Basically, during our visit I became gradually less coherent and responsive. Often I had a glazed look in my eyes and my attention would drift. When Bruce would check with me I assured him I was fine and in good spirits, but I was slow to respond and spent most of the time either sitting or sleeping. I had intended to spend time writing but had no interest or attention to do this. At times I would carry on conversations, but Bruce and our friends were having trouble following my train of thinking as I was talking about Quantum Physics and parallel universes. At one point I believed I was moving between parallel universes whenever someone would cough or the fire in the fireplace sparked.
Perhaps my behavior was most troubling when I would use the restroom. Sometimes I would forget what I was doing and Bruce would have to retrieve me, often finding me either sitting in the middle of the room or bent over at the waist in a yoga pose. A few times I asked him what I was doing there. For the remaining days I continued being very docile.
I had not taken any recreational drugs and while I did have a single alcoholic drink and half a beer on the first night we arrived at the campgrounds, I didn't drink any more and haven't had any alcohol since. The weather was snowy and while each day there were moments of thaw, the heavy and frequent flurries of snow pretty much kept us indoors the whole time. New Year's Eve was fairly calm and I was fairly lucid enough to participate celebrating with our friends and the next day I was ready to return home and said as much to Bruce.
Unfortunately the road out of the campground was too icy and our van became stuck in the ditch, forcing us to stay another night at the cabin. Friday, January 2nd, everyone was ready to leave and while our friends were packing up, all I could do was sit in a chair not really aware of what was going on around me. At some point I lost control of myself, and when coming in to retrieve me Bruce discovered me sitting in my own urine. While a friend called the emergency vehicle, he changed me into some clean clothes.
By this time, although I remember much of what was going on around me, I was convinced I was participating in an initiation or shamanic quest. I remember thinking that everyone who I made eye contact with had violet eyes or bluish halos around their iris, and strangely I was not too disturbed by this hallucination. At one point I was given a visual/motor control test where I was asked to look at the EMT's finger off to my right and then to the left, but I couldn't see anything out of my left eye, although I wasn't able to communicate this.
Bruce asked to travel with me in the emergency vehicle, but he was told he couldn't as he was not a blood relative. I would probably had protested had I been more lucid. I remember thinking the EMT's hand I was holding onto for support was Bruce until I felt his elbow and found them too rough to be Bruce's. The emergency vehicle didn't have any trouble getting to or leaving the campground and thankfully the trip was uneventful.
At the emergency room I was admitted while a nurse named Fawn supervised. An IV had been attached to my left arm to replenish fluids and blood must have been drawn at some point although I don't remember that. I do remember Fawn commenting, when hearing the various things I was reported talking about, that I must have overdosed on television. I think an overdose of the Internet is more likely. Later I was taken to other rooms for a chest x-ray and an MRI. Afterward I was returned to a stall to wait for the attending Doctor.
Dr. Mongue told me the only thing they found wrong with me was low potassium in my blood and I was given a huge white pill, usually given to race horses, that they had to break up for me to take. Later after Bruce arrived at the hospital and I was able to see him, the nurse came in and asked if I wanted to go. I was awake and felt well enough to go, but Bruce did ask that they give me a sedative for the ride home. I remained conscious until we were on the Ferry back to Vashon.
Since my visit to the emergency room I haven't exhibited any similar behavior. I saw my regular doctor on the following Monday, who insisted the hospital should not have released me as soon as they did, suggesting that he'd have preferred I was observed for twenty-four hours. He set up an appointment for me with the Swedish Neurological Specialist Clinic. I met with the Neurologist on MLK day, who unfortunately couldn't give me any sort of diagnosis as the films from St. Joseph's had not been forwarded to her. In the meantime, I've been receiving bills for all the medical visits and with no insurance or current income, I am quite stressed to pay these bills.
The Neurologist said the next procedure I needed was an EEG to see if I have any impairment to my brain, but I am unable to schedule this with Swedish until I am approved for their charity program. Perhaps the straw that may break this camel's back is my charity application was returned by the post office because I'd copied the address wrong. Last Tuesday I visited Social and Health Services in White Center to apply for medical assistance and was given no promises and more paperwork, as well as a psychiatric evaluation to schedule.
I am very bewildered and stressed in sorting all this out. While I remain lucid and aware without and apparent relapse, I have been experiencing emotional highs and lows that seem out of character for me, but Bruce says this was also happening last fall. I haven't included much of the delusional thinking I was experiencing in this post, just because it doesn't make much sense, but I have been writing it down in order to attempt some resolution for my own sanity.
I don't know what I'm going to do about the bills and feel very helpless having to rely on the bureaucracies of government and charity assistance programs. The only thing I can hope for is to keep my sense of humor (thus the reference at the beginning of this post to Lewis Carroll). I am very grateful for Bruce's support in this ordeal and ask for all your indulgence for sharing this difficult news. |
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| What I've been working on... |
[Dec. 10th, 2008|04:07 pm] |
Please be warned that the links of this post are sexual in nature and are
NOT WORK SAFE.
Last spring Jon Macy asked me to re-design his website, that I created for his forthcoming graphic novel, Teleny and Camille. I was happy to continue work on the project, because after all, he'd put up with all my pestering him to allow me to create it in the first place. I was very pleased that he had some great ideas and I had some spiffy code to use. Because it is devoted to graphic imagery, it may take time to load the graphics if you have "dial-up" Internet.
Teleny is an erotic tale written around the same time The Well of Loneliness, a lesbian romantic tragedy by Radclyffe Hall was published in the late 1920s. Like many clandestine erotic novels of the time, authorship is unknown, but Teleny is significant for its attribution to Oscar Wilde and his circle. Jon Macy has carved a personalized version which is sumptuous in its own black-and-white splendor.
Additionally, Jon has been recognized for his efforts by The Oscholars, a literary group devoted to the study of Oscar Wilde and his contemporaries who have included him in their most recent online publication about this unique novel. They offer a few more pages than you can find at Jon's website, so it is well worth the effort to visit both sites. |
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| Reflecting on Pluto's transit |
[Oct. 24th, 2008|12:51 pm] |
Pluto entered my first house at the turn of the century. I was living alone in the middle of Seattle (next to the freeway), disillusioned with my life and my own ability to create happiness for myself. I desired a fulfilling primary relationship, but years of dating people who were fickle and emotionally motivated had taught me the crucial lesson of not holding onto the expectation that these people I kept meeting could bring me happiness. Very little of my life felt fulfilling and while I understood happiness had to develop from inside my own consciousness, I had no idea how I was stopping myself.
I’d been exploring spiritual traditions for answers and my exploration of astrology eventually resulted in my first consult. My astrologer suggested I still needed to let go of those things that were holding me back. When I asked specifically what I needed to let go of, he basically said, “let go of everything and what sticks to you is what you need”. I’ve been practising “radical letting-go” ever since and while it remains a difficult practise, often requiring me to soberly confront notions I’ve been taught my whole life as “being realistic”, my life has changed for the better.
Soon after my consult, the funds I needed to leave my unfulfilling job suddenly appeared and I began to understand I’d let go of my belief that employment was the only way I could support myself. Within a year I moved to Vashon Island; I’d let go of the notion I needed to be in the city to realize my dreams. While I’d met my partner a year before my consult, not holding expectations about my happiness resulting from our relationship, deepened and strengthened our connection.
Today I am a much happier person than I was even five years ago. Looking back at what I learned from astrology emphasizes the effect Pluto has in our lives. Letting go of unfulfilling notions we believe are true can be scary, but necessary for true happiness. I’m still learning how to apply it effectively in my life but I’m sure Pluto’s entry into practical Capricorn will be very enlightening. |
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| Domestic Partnership gives me hope for a better future. |
[Sep. 16th, 2008|10:24 am] |
Ever since Washington State instituted registering for domestic couples, including same-sex relationships, Bruce and I have been considering registering our relationship. It would allow us to advocate for each other as well as other benefits. Last month Bruce proposed to me, I said "yes" and we plan to hold a commitment ceremony next year about the same time here at our home on Vashon. This has given Bruce some extra motivation to complete renovation on the house and he has been making good progress. Here are some pictures of the progress:
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| Happy Spring Equinox! |
[Mar. 19th, 2008|01:11 pm] |
And I've only just begun to post garden pictures for the year at my Photobucket. This one from February shows the tulips emerging. They are in full bloom now, but it will take some time before I have those photos uploaded.
In my morning reading I came across the report that author Arthur C. Clarke has passed away. He wasn't someone whom I've read extensively, but his influence on thinking about the future has occupied the minds of many people. There has always been plenty of speculation, especially among the science fiction writing community, about his sexuality despite his own evasive denials, but according to this writer, the evidence supports the speculation.
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| Quantum Theory and Despair |
[Oct. 9th, 2007|12:11 pm] |
Recently I was forwarded a link that has been circulating among various astrology bloggers for a book explaining various aspects of quantum theory. The excerpts from the book on this site are excellent and lay out progressively the high points of many ideas I've encountered before in my own studies. It also includes a link to this site, which follows an understanding of dimensional thinking related to quantum mechanics. It got me thinking deeply about spiritual knowledge and a recent conversation on another blog inspired me to write the following:
I often struggle with the elusive qualities of spiritual thought, but recently I've begun to contemplate the notion that spiritual knowledge is part of a larger dimension of empirical knowledge, persistent and constant with the physical dimensions we experience. Like Time, which we only notice by its progressive effect, all knowledge is experienced through the mind but affects our physical world when we learn to apply it. Emotion is another form of knowledge, but requires a more intuitive application. We can posit these two forms of knowledge as different extremes: one structured the other chaotic.
As I have learned by studying the Tao, the only way we can effectively apply both extremes is by centering ourselves between them so that they swirl around and away from us. If we attempt to follow only one or the other, we will move away from our authentic self; but if we follow both structure and chaos at once, say by following a spiritual discipline such as cultivating a balanced understanding of astrology; we can expand our consciousness outward from one of self-consciousness to one of universal consciousness.
Despair is an emotional reaction to confusion. It moves one away from centeredness exposing the underbelly of society and revealing the inauthentic in life. It develops from loosing perspective on the universal by leaving individual responsibility out of the equation; only when self-responsibility is maintained and spiritual knowledge applied can one move away from emotional responses of confusion toward a more authentic and balanced way of being. |
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| Movie Time: Adam and Steve |
[Oct. 8th, 2007|01:53 pm] |
Several weeks ago now Bruce came up with a title on our DVD rental I'd been told was a must see movie. The movie is Adam and Steve, written, acted and directed by Craig Chester, an actor I've seen in other independent films before, such as Swoon, I Shot Andy Warhol and Kiss Me, Guido. I remember being warned that its humor falls definitely in the John Waters camp of shocking grotesque and this movie delivers that harsh edge from the beginning, although at its center is a very real and tender, light hearted exploration into urban relationships of this post 9/11 America, complete with Gothic club kids, country singing drag queens and line dancing. The basic story involves a budding romance between Adam, a gay man living in New York, approaching middle age, rehabilitating from crack addiction and Steve, the animal friendly psychiatrist Adam encounters at the emergency room where he takes his dog in a panic. While some of the action is over the top, their relationship develops logically as they get to know each other, accepting each other's imperfections and culminating in meeting each other's parents: Steve's conservatively mannered country folks are in a stark contrast to Adam's quirkily "accident prone" suburban family. But the relationship really hits a breaking point when Steve realizes his murky past has caught up with him in Adam, invoking from him a Munch-esque "scream" on a footbridge in Brooklyn. While they attempt to sort out their relationship, Adam's formerly obese female friend, Rhonda who struggles doing stand-up comedy telling fat jokes connects with Steve's itinerant pot-smoking roommate, Michael. I identify with these characters, not only because they correspond to my age, but because they struggle with the same issues I've encountered in my own life: the need for recognition and love from my peers, my parents and my lovers. I spent my twenties attempting to discover who I really was, often failing because I'd suppressed my authentic self behind a veneer of contrary values my parents had taught me. No wonder I got that wrong. Still, my parent did give me an idea of what it meant to be a real person, challenged me to believe in myself and instilled a healthy notion to question everything, especially what I held most dear. The twisted humor of this movie reminds me how differently I respond to the grotesque from my parents. The distance of a generation seems to reflect the post-war optimism that ended with the assassination of a president and the subsequently revolutionary attitudes that followed. My parents were living in Japan in the early sixties and the culture shock they experienced returning to America is something I don't think they quite have recovered from, even today. It is akin to the shock we all experienced when we woke September Eleventh and realized the world was not as predictable as we wanted to believe. It seems odd to me to realize I no longer fear what other people think of me. Even my parents opinions effect me less than they did even five years ago and yet that gap also reflects the pain of separation from them on many levels. And I still love them with all my heart.
The struggle we all go through, attempting to connect with each other despite our differences is a spiritual struggle. For me, accepting other's quirks and inconsistancies is half the battle. Getting others to respond to our triumphs is perhaps the rest. Outside there is conflict and seperation, while at the center is the peace that comes from connecting with others. |
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| Mercury Prepares to Retrograde |
[Sep. 21st, 2007|05:01 pm] |
I like to follow the Mercury retrograde phases and have read a bit about dealing with the difficulties inherent to the period. Today Mercury is entering the first part of this period and will be stationing retrograde on October 11th. To help a friend understand the effects of Mercury during this time I wrote the following:
September 21 Mercury first enters the degrees of the retrograde phase.
This period begins when Mercury first enters the area of the sky where the retrograde will happen. While Mercury is moving forward over these degrees, we on Earth can anticipate this event and prepare by establishing schedules, placing requests and generally taking care of the mercurial tasks that become problematic during the retrograde period. This is the "asking" phase of the retrograde period and requires that we act proactively to ensure a smooth retrograde experience.
October 11 Mercury stations retrograde.
Earth's orbit around the Sun begins to catches up to Mercury's orbit and the retrograde period begins with Mercury first appearing to slow down in its orbit. For the next three weeks, Mercury appears to move back along its orbital path in the sky, indicating a time for rethinking, rechecking and revaluing everything mercurial. This involves schedules, shipping and planning, which are all things that are likely to go awry while Mercury remains in this phase. Also, problems from previous retrograde periods may arise. If you have planned ahead and become aware of its movement, this period can go smoothly and should not be a cause for alarm. This is the "belief" phase of the retrograde period and requires we rely on our belief systems to effectively experience this phase.
November 1 Mercury stations direct.
Once the Earth has moved past Mercury, it will again appear to slow and then reverse direction to move forward over the same area of the sky it just retrograded. Unless Mercury has made difficult aspects to other planets during the retrograde phase, this is the most likely period to discover that things established during the retrograde phase have gone awry and correct them. Otherwise, there is a chance that problems won't become apparent until the next retrograde period several months later. This is the "receiving" phase of the retrograde period where what we've planned for can have the most effectiveness.
November 17 Mercury leaves the final degrees of the retrograde phase.
We are now given a slight reprieve from disruption until the next retrograde period, but life lessons learned during the full retrograde period will have long lasting effects throughout the following year. With awareness and planning these lessons can effectively improve life for all on this planet Earth, easing fear and conflict with improved communication and planning. |
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| Storytime: a memory revisited |
[Jul. 19th, 2007|11:55 am] |
Dear friends, I've managed to post another story on my website originally written back in 1994. Although it isn't my first attempt to write a horror story, I feel it is my most successful because it became a counterpoint in my zine (Gae-raj, issue B) to the grief I was feeling that year from the recent passing of my friend Tod Streater (January 17, 1963, Vancouver, WA--July 11, 1993, Seattle, WA). It perhaps reveals more about myself, but I like to think of it as a snapshot of an era of transitions, when the restrictions of the past were falling away and my peers and I were willing to experiment more with life than we'd been able to before with our parents. I bid you carry your mind, like your umbrella, usefully open as you brave this following word torrent.
Helen, WITH-EYES-OF-THE-DEVIL
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| Midnight in the Eternal Soul Garden |
[Jul. 7th, 2007|10:51 am] |
Knowing the Tao, The being and the non-being, The water and wind, The yin, the yong; This is everything and Nothing at all. When I close my eyes to meditate I can go to my calm place, Only that is being… Once I am there, I easily slip into non-being Where I cease to be, Where time does not pass And interruption is only the next moment When I am being again… Like a bit of bark on the surface of a vast pond I bob and dip between Being and non-being, Spanning consciousness and sub-consciousness Experiencing each in a similar way I dip and bob through successively Higher and lower levels of consciousness. As I rise, I meet the ego On the threshold of self; As I submerge, I seek antithesis Encountering my deepest attachments… Too often getting tangled in the strings. |
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| Fourteen degrees Taurus—an old lady selling bunches of violets on a street corner |
[Jul. 6th, 2007|09:47 am] |
I've felt old most of my life
The time spent figuring out
What I've always known
That the older I get the less I know
That the more I become comfortable in my own skin
The stranger and more grotesque the World appears
How strange to find myself at a crossroads
And barely able to satisfy
To always be comfortable is a skill,
A blessing…
But then who wants to be comfortable in a storm or
A swirling vortex?
Title quoted from "Degree Analyses Part II: Chandra Symbols In the Horoscope" by John Sandbach
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| In Memoriam...Jodi Kleiman 199?-2007 |
[Apr. 6th, 2007|02:42 pm] |
Today about 2:30pm Bruce's dog Jodi passed away. We are going to miss her generous and loving nature. She brought much joy to our lives and we will greatly miss her companionship. She came into Bruce's life ten years ago from a Breeder of Australian Terriers. She'd been a breeding and show dog before, but as a companion she had perhaps the best years of life. Bruce took her everywhere with him and cared for her as he would a child. In the few years I knew her, she crawled into my lap and my heart and never let go until it was time. Then she sweetly left, knowing that even in the spring when all the world is coming alive from winter's frost, it is still a good time to let go of the past. I think I'll go cry by her grave now. |
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